Pronouns
If you aren’t trans, the chances are that you haven’t given much thought to pronouns - those little words like he and she that describe who you are - since you were last trying to learn a new language. For some people, however, pronouns are a really big issue.
Have you ever been in a situation where a stranger has addressed you incorrectly? – perhaps wrongly calling you ‘Sir’ or ‘Miss’ when they are trying to get your attention? This is often a jarring experience that can be embarrassing for all parties involved. For trans people, this can be a common experience that can make them feel invalidated, insecure or disrespected and not valued. This is especially true for people who do not conform fully to a stereotypically ‘masculine’ or ‘feminine’ presentation.
People often think this is a new problem and one dreamt up by the millennial generation to generally make life difficult and more complex but that couldn’t be further from the truth. The argument about gender neutral pronouns has been rumbling on for at least 900 years now (at least in the English language). In Old and Middle English, before the Norman Conquest, the two gender pronouns “He” and “Heo” had developed so closely in pronunciation that they were indistinguishable – everyone used the same term.
It was only in the twelfth century that He and She started to be used in aristocratic language as a way of transposing the gender specific High Norman/French more literally into English. While these gender specific pronouns took many years to be universally adopted it’s interesting to note that by the 1700’s they had reached the stage where writers and speakers were having issues with the language to use to describe transgender people (this isn’t a 21st century problem folks!) and suggested the use of “They” and “Them” or “One” and “One's”
Like all good arguments this one has no simple answer and it has filled many academic tomes and kept english professors, philosophers, and general english grammatical pedants in continuous employment for hundreds of years. In the 1930’s there was a concerted effort by the media and American dictionary societies to introduce the term “Thon” (itself coined in the 1850’s) as the gender neutral pronoun of choice.
By the late 20th century over one hundred gender neutral pronouns had been recorded and documented.
So where does that leave Transgender people and people that want to talk to them? Well frankly, just like the last 600 years, in a bit of a mess - but made far worse by the fact that offense, whether real or imposed, can now be taken at the speed of light thanks to the internet and social media – in lots of cases by people that aren’t trans themselves.
So what can we all do to help?
Firstly, no one expects you to magically be able to tell the preferred pronouns of everyone that you encounter- if you are unsure, people won’t take offense if you ask politely how they would prefer to be addressed, or what their pronouns are. Some people will have preferences and be happy to let you know; other people won’t feel particularly strongly on this issue and simply don’t care.
When you do know then it’s polite to make an effort to use the individual’s preferred pronouns. If you slip up that won’t be held against you and you don’t need to make a big deal of the mistake. Most trans people are pretty understanding that it can be difficult to always remember preferred pronouns especially if they are non-standard pronouns or a new pronoun for someone you knew before they came out.
Transgender people are also starting to actively display their pronouns in more locations, such as on twitter bios and conference badges. This can be a relevant step to take even if you are not trans and think that your pronouns should be obvious – it normalises the behaviour of volunteering the information, so helps to avoid mistakes and ease conversations.
When you meet someone and they let you know the name they prefer to be addressed by (“Call me Fred”), you generally accommodate them without thinking twice. In an ideal world, we would react to someone telling us preferred pronouns in the exact same way.
Alix and Bobbi April 2018
Have you ever been in a situation where a stranger has addressed you incorrectly? – perhaps wrongly calling you ‘Sir’ or ‘Miss’ when they are trying to get your attention? This is often a jarring experience that can be embarrassing for all parties involved. For trans people, this can be a common experience that can make them feel invalidated, insecure or disrespected and not valued. This is especially true for people who do not conform fully to a stereotypically ‘masculine’ or ‘feminine’ presentation.
People often think this is a new problem and one dreamt up by the millennial generation to generally make life difficult and more complex but that couldn’t be further from the truth. The argument about gender neutral pronouns has been rumbling on for at least 900 years now (at least in the English language). In Old and Middle English, before the Norman Conquest, the two gender pronouns “He” and “Heo” had developed so closely in pronunciation that they were indistinguishable – everyone used the same term.
It was only in the twelfth century that He and She started to be used in aristocratic language as a way of transposing the gender specific High Norman/French more literally into English. While these gender specific pronouns took many years to be universally adopted it’s interesting to note that by the 1700’s they had reached the stage where writers and speakers were having issues with the language to use to describe transgender people (this isn’t a 21st century problem folks!) and suggested the use of “They” and “Them” or “One” and “One's”
Like all good arguments this one has no simple answer and it has filled many academic tomes and kept english professors, philosophers, and general english grammatical pedants in continuous employment for hundreds of years. In the 1930’s there was a concerted effort by the media and American dictionary societies to introduce the term “Thon” (itself coined in the 1850’s) as the gender neutral pronoun of choice.
By the late 20th century over one hundred gender neutral pronouns had been recorded and documented.
So where does that leave Transgender people and people that want to talk to them? Well frankly, just like the last 600 years, in a bit of a mess - but made far worse by the fact that offense, whether real or imposed, can now be taken at the speed of light thanks to the internet and social media – in lots of cases by people that aren’t trans themselves.
So what can we all do to help?
Firstly, no one expects you to magically be able to tell the preferred pronouns of everyone that you encounter- if you are unsure, people won’t take offense if you ask politely how they would prefer to be addressed, or what their pronouns are. Some people will have preferences and be happy to let you know; other people won’t feel particularly strongly on this issue and simply don’t care.
When you do know then it’s polite to make an effort to use the individual’s preferred pronouns. If you slip up that won’t be held against you and you don’t need to make a big deal of the mistake. Most trans people are pretty understanding that it can be difficult to always remember preferred pronouns especially if they are non-standard pronouns or a new pronoun for someone you knew before they came out.
Transgender people are also starting to actively display their pronouns in more locations, such as on twitter bios and conference badges. This can be a relevant step to take even if you are not trans and think that your pronouns should be obvious – it normalises the behaviour of volunteering the information, so helps to avoid mistakes and ease conversations.
When you meet someone and they let you know the name they prefer to be addressed by (“Call me Fred”), you generally accommodate them without thinking twice. In an ideal world, we would react to someone telling us preferred pronouns in the exact same way.
Alix and Bobbi April 2018