Trans Visibilty Day 2018
March 31st is International Transgender Day of Visibility. In a world where we seem to have dedicated celebration days for everything from cats to pork pies it’s probably something that features very low on people’s “lets break out the champagne” scale.
Transgender Visibility Day 2018 is kind of special for me though as it’s the first one where I have actually been visible, at least at work. I’ve a lot of experience of being Transgender Invisible and it’s not the best of places to be – miserable, exhausting, frustrating, shamed into keeping quiet and pretending to be someone else.
So what’s it actually like for me to be Trans Visible? Well, bearing in mind I have a grand total of three months under my belt of being “out” it’s, in all honesty, a bit strange.
I’ve talked in the past about having a compartmentalised mind where I have to create boxes that contain different aspects of me that are suitable to portray in various situations – the “at work” Bob, the “with friends that know” Bob, the “with friends that don’t know” Bob, the “at home” Bob etc etc.
I don’t really have that anymore; everyone knows. That’s actually an amazing thing; I just really have an “at home” Bob and an “at work” Bob that’s a bit more business like and gets on and does things. I expect my wife would like the at home Bob to be a bit more “get on and do things” things as well but, to be honest, I hate decorating.
The reason it’s strange is that, all of a sudden, I’ve thrown away the bits that weren’t me and were “put on” so I could hide and I’ve now smashed open all the boxes. I can just choose to be whatever I like – it’s a period of readjustment, maybe for everyone not just me.
What I’ve noticed is that I’m a lot more relaxed at work, lots of people commented on it first before I had my own “oh yeah” moment about it. With that relaxation, and the end of needing to filter everything I’m saying and doing, has come a whole lot of extra head space. I can juggle more problems in my head; I feel like I can concentrate better and, more surprisingly for me, I can actually talk to people – really talk to people.
Bearing in mind this is the person that could barely string together a mumbled “oh hi, how are you” before turning bright red and stumbling to a halt, I can suddenly actually chat to people and I’m absolutely fine and relaxed about it – where the hell did that come from!
One thing I’ve noticed about myself is that I used to mirror other people when I talked to them – if someone was very “blokey” in their speech patterns and mannerisms I used to copy that. It’s actually a sales technique and I suppose that’s what I was doing – selling the version of me that I wanted people to see. I’ve noticed I’ve stopped doing that now and I’m glad.
The other thing that’s really surprised me is crowds. I used to avoid them like the plague, I wouldn’t stand anywhere where there were more than 10 people for more than a few seconds if I could avoid it. I now find myself standing about waiting for people in the middle an extremely busy restaurant without a care in the world.
I’ve been on a works social evening and actually went to lunch with someone – both firsts. It’s a very weird “what’s happening here” feeling but it’s also a very good, and nice, thing to be able to do.
The final observation I have is how people talk about being transgender, not just to me but in other conversations as well. The other day I overheard two chaps in my team having a conversation about an interview they’d heard on the radio where someone was saying that transgender was a lifestyle choice and they were ripping their argument apart and saying people should find out the real facts and stop talking rubbish.
It really brought home to me that the real power of Trans Visibility is that when you are visible you can tell people the truth and they’ll understand.
So, yes, it’s Transgender Visibility Day and that gives me yet another opportunity to plug the Introduction to Transgender sessions we’re running (dates below) but it also gives me an opportunity to highlight that being Trans and visible is something that is actually amazing and something I think I personally will break out the champagne for.
International Cat Day – 8th August
National Pie Week – 8th March
Bobbi March 2018
Transgender Visibility Day 2018 is kind of special for me though as it’s the first one where I have actually been visible, at least at work. I’ve a lot of experience of being Transgender Invisible and it’s not the best of places to be – miserable, exhausting, frustrating, shamed into keeping quiet and pretending to be someone else.
So what’s it actually like for me to be Trans Visible? Well, bearing in mind I have a grand total of three months under my belt of being “out” it’s, in all honesty, a bit strange.
I’ve talked in the past about having a compartmentalised mind where I have to create boxes that contain different aspects of me that are suitable to portray in various situations – the “at work” Bob, the “with friends that know” Bob, the “with friends that don’t know” Bob, the “at home” Bob etc etc.
I don’t really have that anymore; everyone knows. That’s actually an amazing thing; I just really have an “at home” Bob and an “at work” Bob that’s a bit more business like and gets on and does things. I expect my wife would like the at home Bob to be a bit more “get on and do things” things as well but, to be honest, I hate decorating.
The reason it’s strange is that, all of a sudden, I’ve thrown away the bits that weren’t me and were “put on” so I could hide and I’ve now smashed open all the boxes. I can just choose to be whatever I like – it’s a period of readjustment, maybe for everyone not just me.
What I’ve noticed is that I’m a lot more relaxed at work, lots of people commented on it first before I had my own “oh yeah” moment about it. With that relaxation, and the end of needing to filter everything I’m saying and doing, has come a whole lot of extra head space. I can juggle more problems in my head; I feel like I can concentrate better and, more surprisingly for me, I can actually talk to people – really talk to people.
Bearing in mind this is the person that could barely string together a mumbled “oh hi, how are you” before turning bright red and stumbling to a halt, I can suddenly actually chat to people and I’m absolutely fine and relaxed about it – where the hell did that come from!
One thing I’ve noticed about myself is that I used to mirror other people when I talked to them – if someone was very “blokey” in their speech patterns and mannerisms I used to copy that. It’s actually a sales technique and I suppose that’s what I was doing – selling the version of me that I wanted people to see. I’ve noticed I’ve stopped doing that now and I’m glad.
The other thing that’s really surprised me is crowds. I used to avoid them like the plague, I wouldn’t stand anywhere where there were more than 10 people for more than a few seconds if I could avoid it. I now find myself standing about waiting for people in the middle an extremely busy restaurant without a care in the world.
I’ve been on a works social evening and actually went to lunch with someone – both firsts. It’s a very weird “what’s happening here” feeling but it’s also a very good, and nice, thing to be able to do.
The final observation I have is how people talk about being transgender, not just to me but in other conversations as well. The other day I overheard two chaps in my team having a conversation about an interview they’d heard on the radio where someone was saying that transgender was a lifestyle choice and they were ripping their argument apart and saying people should find out the real facts and stop talking rubbish.
It really brought home to me that the real power of Trans Visibility is that when you are visible you can tell people the truth and they’ll understand.
So, yes, it’s Transgender Visibility Day and that gives me yet another opportunity to plug the Introduction to Transgender sessions we’re running (dates below) but it also gives me an opportunity to highlight that being Trans and visible is something that is actually amazing and something I think I personally will break out the champagne for.
International Cat Day – 8th August
National Pie Week – 8th March
Bobbi March 2018