Trans Visibilty Day 2019
It seems remarkable to me that it was a year ago that I wrote my very first Transgender Visibility Day article. “Transgender Visibility Day 2018 is kind of special for me though as it’s the first one where I have actually been visible” is the line that stands out for me, not because it wasn’t special, it certainly was for all the reasons I mentioned – I’d just come out, I’d thrown out all the compartmentalisation and filtering and I was trying to figure out who the real “Bob” was underneath all the years of comfort blankets and camouflage that I’d been living under.
The reason it stands out is because I thought I was “visible” – looking back at myself now that seems unimaginably ridiculous; I’d taken a few baby steps into some slightly lighter shadows and yet here I was declaring myself a seasoned sun bather. I’d started on my journey, sure, but if it was the equivalent of a summer holiday I hadn’t even finished packing and ordered a taxi to the airport.
So why on earth does Transgender Visibility Day deserve your attention more than National Paper Bag Day (July 12th), National Lumpy Rug Day (May 3rd) or National Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day (2nd Feb)?
Well, while, frankly, while I think National Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day gives it a good run for its money, Transgender Visibility Day gives me the opportunity to raise awareness that transgender people, including me, are here in BP. It gives me the chance to say “look at me, I exist”
Funnily enough, that’s actually a really tough thing for me to do as I still don’t like the attention that brings – I’d rather stay in the background but that’s not something you can do; if you bring attention to yourself you don’t get to give it back afterwards.
While some days I struggle with that I also know just what a positive impact seeing someone openly transgender can bring to people that, for whatever reason, can’t come out. I’ve had lots of people saying some really lovely things about me this year – I think mostly undeserved – but the thing that has really mattered to me, that has made me feel like I might have made a difference and that making myself so obviously visible is worthwhile are those messages from people still “in the closet” that say I’m helping them. It’s incredibly humbling.
One thing I didn’t realise last year was just how “out” you have to be when you are transgender and just how small my comfort zone was back then – there really is no ‘invisible’ if you want to be open about who you are and transgender, you come out to everyone in a way which I think is completely unique to being transgender – I have to come out to doctors, dentists, opticians, anyone that asks me if I’m on any medication, I come out to people serving in shops, even people walking past me in street because I am visibly transgender; I come out to people without even saying a word to them. The pressure of that is something I guess I thought I knew but I hugely underestimated. I know lots of it is self-generated, I’ve never (or at least not yet) had a negative reaction from anyone so long as you discount weird looks (some of the “oh I’ve caught you out” looks I get from people can be wearing). This year has been one of constantly pushing my comfort zone -because I have to unless I want to spend the rest of my life unable to do anything, unable to leave the house – and I’m learning how to cope with simple things like queuing up in the garage shop and going to Sainsbury’s while feeling so obviously transgender. I’m growing a thick skin and becoming more confident.
People ask me a lot what they can do to help and I always used to be a little lost for an answer but the truth is that so many people have already helped by sending me emails, stopping and talking to me, coming or helping with events or visibly displaying support for LGBT people with rainbow lanyards or desk signs – the latter makes a huge huge difference, especially on tough days, and means the difference between me walking in an area and feeling out of place or completely confident - please don’t underestimate the power of displaying something rainbow.
Someone stopped me the other day when I was feeling a bit rubbish and she was saying how I was looking great (opticians appt obviously overdue) and how much she loved the intro to trans course (which always completely embarrasses me, you may have guessed by now that I really can’t handle compliments) but she also said there were so many people following my transition and really rooting for me – that was such an unexpected and special thing to hear and gave me such a boost. I really owe everyone that’s helped or demonstrated their support such huge thanks – thank you.
I expect I’ll look back on this article in a year’s time and wonder how I could have been so naïve and completely unaware of what transgender visibility actually means. I hope so because that means I’ve kept moving forward and kept improving as a person. Hopefully it also means that I’ve enjoyed a National Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day as well.
Bobbi March 2019
The reason it stands out is because I thought I was “visible” – looking back at myself now that seems unimaginably ridiculous; I’d taken a few baby steps into some slightly lighter shadows and yet here I was declaring myself a seasoned sun bather. I’d started on my journey, sure, but if it was the equivalent of a summer holiday I hadn’t even finished packing and ordered a taxi to the airport.
So why on earth does Transgender Visibility Day deserve your attention more than National Paper Bag Day (July 12th), National Lumpy Rug Day (May 3rd) or National Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day (2nd Feb)?
Well, while, frankly, while I think National Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day gives it a good run for its money, Transgender Visibility Day gives me the opportunity to raise awareness that transgender people, including me, are here in BP. It gives me the chance to say “look at me, I exist”
Funnily enough, that’s actually a really tough thing for me to do as I still don’t like the attention that brings – I’d rather stay in the background but that’s not something you can do; if you bring attention to yourself you don’t get to give it back afterwards.
While some days I struggle with that I also know just what a positive impact seeing someone openly transgender can bring to people that, for whatever reason, can’t come out. I’ve had lots of people saying some really lovely things about me this year – I think mostly undeserved – but the thing that has really mattered to me, that has made me feel like I might have made a difference and that making myself so obviously visible is worthwhile are those messages from people still “in the closet” that say I’m helping them. It’s incredibly humbling.
One thing I didn’t realise last year was just how “out” you have to be when you are transgender and just how small my comfort zone was back then – there really is no ‘invisible’ if you want to be open about who you are and transgender, you come out to everyone in a way which I think is completely unique to being transgender – I have to come out to doctors, dentists, opticians, anyone that asks me if I’m on any medication, I come out to people serving in shops, even people walking past me in street because I am visibly transgender; I come out to people without even saying a word to them. The pressure of that is something I guess I thought I knew but I hugely underestimated. I know lots of it is self-generated, I’ve never (or at least not yet) had a negative reaction from anyone so long as you discount weird looks (some of the “oh I’ve caught you out” looks I get from people can be wearing). This year has been one of constantly pushing my comfort zone -because I have to unless I want to spend the rest of my life unable to do anything, unable to leave the house – and I’m learning how to cope with simple things like queuing up in the garage shop and going to Sainsbury’s while feeling so obviously transgender. I’m growing a thick skin and becoming more confident.
People ask me a lot what they can do to help and I always used to be a little lost for an answer but the truth is that so many people have already helped by sending me emails, stopping and talking to me, coming or helping with events or visibly displaying support for LGBT people with rainbow lanyards or desk signs – the latter makes a huge huge difference, especially on tough days, and means the difference between me walking in an area and feeling out of place or completely confident - please don’t underestimate the power of displaying something rainbow.
Someone stopped me the other day when I was feeling a bit rubbish and she was saying how I was looking great (opticians appt obviously overdue) and how much she loved the intro to trans course (which always completely embarrasses me, you may have guessed by now that I really can’t handle compliments) but she also said there were so many people following my transition and really rooting for me – that was such an unexpected and special thing to hear and gave me such a boost. I really owe everyone that’s helped or demonstrated their support such huge thanks – thank you.
I expect I’ll look back on this article in a year’s time and wonder how I could have been so naïve and completely unaware of what transgender visibility actually means. I hope so because that means I’ve kept moving forward and kept improving as a person. Hopefully it also means that I’ve enjoyed a National Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day as well.
Bobbi March 2019